It’s over four months since the gates to Valhalla opened once more for brave adventurers, and last month I was lucky enough to finally enter the gates myself! After years of hearing nothing but effusive praise for this legendary water ride, I was more than a little bit hyped to finally experience it for myself. Of course, I didn’t spend the whole day at Blackpool Pleasure Beach riding Valhalla (though I was sure tempted)…
Amongst our group for the day was a first-time visitor, so with an aim to get on as many of the park’s roller coasters as possible, our first stop would be Avalanche. Like any other Mack bobsled coaster, this is no people eater with each train holding between 7 and 14 people, depending on how many riders decide to get cosy, and is therefore always a good target for rope drop. Unfortunately, our planning failed to pay off. As we reached the attraction shortly after the park’s 10am open, we were greeted by a sign stating that the ride would not be open until 10:30am – rats! A quick scan of the waiting times on the park’s app showed that the only two roller coasters currently open in the park were Nickelodeon Streak and Blue Flyer, in fact, the only anything open in the park was Nickelodeon Land. The app also made it clear that everything in that land would be closing an hour early at 5pm. There was, however, no indication of what time the rest of the attractions would be opening, except for Alpine Rallye and Thompson Carousel which were noted as opening at midday. This unexpected twist made planning the beginning of our day more than a little frustrating. So, with just two coasters operational, Nick Streak became our first ride of the day. The station was packed with guests who most likely, like us, had found themselves shepherded to the only major attraction to open with the park. This accumulation of people meant that by the time we had completed our slightly-joltier-than-I-remembered ride on the comfiest coaster trains around, Avalanche was open and we could return to our plan! Except now the queue had already begun to accumulate, and with one train in operation, we found ourselves in the second half-hour wait of the morning. But, it was worthwhile! It’s been a while since my last visit, so perhaps it always rides like this and I’d simply forgotten, but the ride was fast and even provided a moment of airtime! There’s something about a bobsled coaster that always feels slightly unhinged, and more risky than a traditional ride and that was certainly the case this day. I loved it!
Blackpool Pleasure Beach has arguably the country’s best line-up of dark rides. At the very least, it has the most diverse. In this collection, however, one ride in particular, shines: the wonderful, the iconic, the delightful Wallace and Gromit: Thrill-o-Matic. There are few better feelings out there than hopping in a giant slipper, rounding the corner and being greeted by the Wallace and Gromit theme song – an anthem in its own right. Sure, the ride doesn’t really have a narrative, instead focusing on being a best of compilation, but that leaves it free to offer nostalgia and fan service by the bucket load, and boy does it deliver! Whilst I went in excited for some of my favourite moments- the mice with sunglasses and the bunny tunnel to be precise -I’d forgotten how magical it is to see Gromit fly alongside you in his airplane! I adore this ride, and I’ve yet to leave it without a massive smile on my face – even if there are a few too many dark areas for my liking. On our visit, the experience was made even more delightful – and surreal – by the presence of Gromit himself outside the attraction! Gromit was certainly enthusiastic about greeting guests as he ran over to us and grabbed me by the hand, twirling me around and pulling me into a hug before we posed for the obligatory paid photographs. Despite being tempted by these – but not enough to part with £12.99 per photo – I did manage to get a few selfies that really captured the chaos of this particular character meet.
With an hour to go until Valhalla’s midday opening, we needed to plan our time carefully. Discussion around the reliability of Valhalla’s various effects has been rife since the ride’s Grand Reopening back in May, with the consensus seeming to be that the earlier in the day’s operation you ride, the more effects are likely to work. With this in mind, we knew we wanted to be on that ride as early as possible, so we decided to fit in just one more ride before getting ready for the main event. Not wanting to journey too far, we opted for River Caves. I love River Caves. It’s such a delightfully strange attraction. Is there any narrative? Any logic? No. Any jaw-dropping set pieces? Oh you bet there are! (Alongside a few rather questionable figures.) With a small and slightly damp drop, it also felt like the perfect warm up to our much wilder adventure.
One thing about Valhalla that has drawn criticism from many guests is the obligation to take all of your belongings on board. There is no station storage for personal possessions of any kind, and with the park’s e-ticket system, there is also no boarding the ride without your phone (unless you’ve visited the ticket office for an printed version). To avoid the total drenching of all of our bags, we therefore opted to use the park’s locker system for the first time! Lockers are available either near the park’s entrance, or conveniently, there are also some in the entrance to the ladies loos opposite Alice in Wonderland. A locker large enough for three full backpacks and corresponding pairs of shoes (we were prepared with spares!) cost just £3 for four hours. With everything in the lockers except our phones (wrapped in sandwich bags) and our ponchos, it was finally time to join the line for Valhalla.
Fifteen minutes before the ride’s scheduled opening, a line had already formed, snaking down past Ice Blast, before being moved adjacent to the main queue line – and extending far past Loki’s Bar! And so began the wait! We watched in apprehension as the waterfalls on the facade were switched off – not a good sign! But with smoke still pouring out from the station and boats visibly cycling, it seemed like we hopefully wouldn’t have to wait too long. Midday came and went with no sign of opening, but thankfully, as we watched the rain cape and ride photo stalls open, it was only a further 20 minutes before the gates were pulled away and the line was led into the proper queue. This was all very organised, and slightly late opening notwithstanding, impressive! Another 20 minutes later, I was making sure my phone was secure in its zip-lock bag as I prepared to board the front row of my viking ship!
So, what to say about Valhalla? Having never had the opportunity to ride the original iteration, this isn’t the place to come for a comparison but I can say that having read reviews of the grand reopening experience, I believe that almost every effect was working – and my almost-complete experience blew me away! This is an incredibly ambitious attraction, one where the creative team have clearly just said yes to almost every option on the table. Things were off to a great start, being immediately greeted by a group of animatronics and ascending the first lift hill, surrounded by glowing skulls. But as the eyes of the carved wooden face above us glowed, and the mouth emitted smoke, this felt ominous – in a good way! We were in for a dark and foreboding adventure. Though admittedly, the one major flaw in the attraction was already making itself known. The audio was simply no match for the cacophony produced by this ride system. I could hear that there was a commentary, probably explaining the narrative of the ride, but I couldn’t make out a word that was being said. As for music… is there music? I could just about make out some sort of sound, but if you asked me to give an opinion on the soundtrack I wouldn’t even know where to start – though I did enjoy the atmospheric music being played in the queue line! But what the ride lacks in audio, it makes up for in sheer ridiculousness. The first drop sees the boat slide on to a turntable before being turned around and taking the drop forwards, a well documented change from the original design. Perhaps it is this change in orientation that leads to this drop being so mild, with a small drop and acceptable level of splash. Of course, that doesn’t mean you stay dry. Sitting in the front row, this was one of the wettest moments of the ride, as what felt like a water cannon blasted a sheet of water straight into my face, blinding me for the next 20 seconds or so. I tried frantically to wipe the water from my eyes, but my hands were too wet to make any meaningful difference and my clothes too saturated to even try! Thorough soaking aside, the drop was mild, making me believe that this was what the drops in this ride would be like. After all, every other indoor log flume I’ve ever ridden has saved its major drop for outdoors. With no outdoor section on this ride, surely the drops would just be ‘indoor’ in nature? Not so. The second drop was ridiculous. Braced for another small drop, my breath was taken as we just kept on falling, and falling! It’s surely the most aggressive drop I’ve experienced in an indoor flume and was so much fun! Elsewhere in the attraction, the ‘ice room’ was every bit as disappointing as I’d heard it would be, with no noticeable temperature shift, but admittedly a very pretty flurry of snoap over an impressive shipwreck. However, as we progressed through the ride, the physical effects began to ramp up. The iconic water vortex was in full flow, offering an experience somewhere in-between Gruffalo River Ride Adventure and Poseidon’s Fury. Soon we were being soaked by the crashing weight of gargantuan hammers, rolled over by threatening spiked logs and passing under an array of ominous bells, whilst spirits with glowing eyes tracked our movements. All of this before the final drop delivered us into a finale I never could have dreamed of experiencing. As we were falling, we got our first glimpse of the water ahead. Except it was on fire. The actual ride path, the water, was on fire. We were about to sail right into fire! There are few rides in the world that have evoked the primal fear that I felt in this instant, splashing into a formidable, natural, real danger. Of course, we sailed on through unscathed, passing by towering statues, before emerging into the daylight stunned and soaked to the bone.
We were so in awe of the ride that we decided to accept our soaked-through fate and hop straight back in line for a second ride. This time we waited an hour, including one period of downtime, and were rewarded with two effects we didn’t see on our first run. First, the initial smoke-emitting face was this time blowing smoke rings – to our absolute delight – and then the finale featured an enormous shot of fire just as we were nearing the exit – to our awe! This of course challenged the notion that the earliest rides in the day would have the most effects. Our second ride actually featured more working parts following downtime!
I adored Valhalla. Is it irritating that it’s such a soaker, and that a locker rental, zip lock bag and bundles of luck are needed to experience an immersive, thrilling water ride? Of course it is! But if you can bring yourself to prepare for it, and are lucky enough to score a mostly-operational ride, it’s so worthwhile. I only hope that one day I’m able to get a ride with fixed audio. I can only imagine how magical that would be!
Having spent a total of three hours on Valhalla (between preparations, queues, rides and getting changed) it was definitely time for some refreshment! The obvious choice was, of course, Loki’s. Another part of Blackpool Pleasure Beach I’d never been able to experience before, Loki’s interior is delightful! Heavy on wood and theming details, this is a must-do for drinks on a cold Blackpool day – or a sunny one for that matter with a large outdoor terrace overlooking the park! It is, however, not a place to show up mid-afternoon if you’re in need of a meal. The kitchen was completely out of the celebrated rotisserie chicken and the only vegetarian option I could see on the menu was a loaf of bread stuffed with camembert, which just sounded like a bit much for me, so we sadly didn’t stick around. I am, however, completely obsessed with the carpet. Where can I get some of this?!
Instead, I swung by the Ice Lounge for a roasted vegetable and cheese toastie, alongside a brown sugar iced latte, both of which were delicious and came to just £6.70 in total (with annual pass discount), which in my opinion is incredible value for a theme park. A speciality drink and toasted sandwich would usually set you back far more than that in a regular cafe!
After lunch it was time for some relaxing attractions, in the form of Alice in Wonderland, Gallopers and the Chinese Puzzle Maze. The latter two of which were both new attractions for me, and whilst the puzzle maze was a pleasant surprise -I honestly don’t know what I expected, but it wasn’t an actual hedge maze – Gallopers was sadly a little bit of a let down. Despite having a traditional carousel organ located within the ride, no music played during our cycle, making for a little bit of a sad experience – carousels are made by their music! Thankfully, Alice was every bit as delightful as ever. Filled with overwhelming smells and classic effects – including a not-celebrated-enough trommel tunnel – this is a classic seaside dark ride done right!
Our final rides of the day were my first-ever ride on Red Arrows Sky Force, followed by Icon. I’m not a huge flat rides person so had always avoided Sky Force, but having ridden a few of these Gerstlaurer flats whilst travelling in Europe, it was finally time to ride the version closest to home. And you know what? It might be the best I’ve done! Admittedly, this is entirely thanks to the strong Blackpool winds that make flipping that bit easier and were responsible for my first ever flip on one of these things! It’s just a shame they also ensured The Big One remained closed all day.
Of course, no visit is complete without a ride on the 2018 Mack multi-launch, Icon. This remains one of my favourite coasters in the country, offering plentiful airtime with some gorgeous hangtime and was the perfect end to a lovely visit to the park.
Having never had the opportunity to experience Valhalla previously, I’d never appreciated quite how much of a loss it was from the Blackpool Pleasure Beach experience, but with its return the park feels like somewhere new entirely. Somewhere where rides can floor you with their effects, can make you truly fear the forces of nature, and somewhere where you can expect to see hordes of people waddling around, soaked to the bone – and not just from the rain!
From now on, every Pleasure Beach visit will feature a poncho and a spare pair of shoes. I can’t wait.
Speak again soon,
Claire
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coasterclaire.co.uk 